Okay, U hurt me too much.

Credit to Solehuddin's 8.1MP Sony Ericson

So, wondering why did I attach a picture of sunset on top of my post? Its simply because the picture symbolize my feeling right now. Sunset symbolize sadness if I'm not mistaken the term. I cant understand why, after all the time U gave me hopes, U let me see your father, you let me feel like I'm the one for you. Now? what has gone into your mind?

Now let me start again where I will take U all back to 09. All the time mention counted from 10 august 2009. Time ticked so slow that I cant even notice its already 2.30 p.m where everybody rushing out from class. I kicked the door when suddenly it hit somebody. Ouh my god, the door hit her so hard I guess. I took a gaze of her eyes and she did the same. Without delay, I said sorry to her and she said its okay. It takes only a couple of seconds to make me fell for her. The next day onward did not as usual as previous days where I always looking for her, wait for her everyday after class. For your information, her class located next to my class but its hard to see her though. One fine day, I wait for her as usual at the front of my class, as she walk through me, I stopped her just to say Hye, she smile to me and do the same. Arghh, what a lame line, without thinking I ask for her phone number. She asked,'' what for?''. 'Just to keep it, I wanna be friend with you'', I replied. She does not agree to exchange her phone number so I decided to give her my number instead. So, I wait a whole entire time for her message or calls or whatever from her, but it just a waste of time. 2 month after that she message me for very own first time. Its Eid Fitr, she sent me an Eid Fitr wish and I'm glad that she did contact me at least. By the way, I have her phone number before that, from her friend.

So, what make me feel such feeling toward her? Its simply I missed judge her to a shy introvert innocent girl that always smile to everyone that meet her eyes. So, why I keep waiting even though she wont send me even a message? Its just because I know deep in her heart, there are a space just for me and always for me.
As time passes by, there always be only me waiting for her message or a call from her. My friends advice me to leave her because she's not worth waiting for. But I ignored those words because I thought she will have the time for me. My friend said, if a woman did not message you first and its always you who start a conversation its totally mean that the woman have no intention on you, I know its totally true but I don't give a damn for what he said, bodohnya aku.

At last, after SPM, she started to send me messages, she answer my calls and she even gone out for a hangout with me at ECM. Anyway, I bring along my friend, its not that I'm scare to walk alone with a woman, it just, she cant hangout with me till 6p.m. But I have a good time with her still. Start from that moment, I know she could probably have the same feeling toward me, but the thing is, its still the same. She did not reply to my message and answering to my calls, I mean seldom to do so. 10 months letter, I went to IIUM where we cant hangout together, we have our own commitments and we were separated by the distance but, my feelings towards her have never change. I still text her and wait her to reply, over and over again. One day, I don't know what has gone into my mind, I blow an anger storm to her, I asked her why didn't she reply my message and what so ever, then she said I'm pushing her so hard. Okay that's fine for me so I decided to not send her any message anymore.

Its another phase of waiting for 4 months till I realize that its my fault by the way, stop being an ego guy, I decided to send her an apology message. Besides, it is Eid Fitr day, why don't I just say sorry and hope that it wont happen again. She accept it, I'm done with cold war and I'm sick with it without her. I invited her to my house for an open house, she came with her big Volvo, she wear baju kurung with white hair scarf. She ate Soto and etc bla bla. During late 7, I sent her to her car and waving bubye!! haha. The next day, she invited me to her house but I couldn't attend the invitation. Nahh, she said its okay. Holiday is over, I could not send her to KL so I decided to send her to the Terminal Makmur for a 7.30 a.m bus. Her father was there where he is so busy that he left her girl with me. Once again, I wave her bubye!! BTW did I mention that she asked me to buy the ticket earlier? huhu I think she didn't pay the ticket yet. :P

I thought after apologizing to her, things gonna change but nothing changed. I still send messages and wait for her reply over and over again. Its been ermm 16 months of waiting I guess.. Its not that I never propose her, I did that once and she said she's not ready for a commitment. But its a long long time ago. Last two days was her birthday. I've prepared for her birthday gift and hoping for a hangout again but she's not in Kuantan. She went to Kelantan where her father was born long time ago. Last Sunday I called her, she said that she just come back from KL, meeting friends, I never thought that friends she mentioned was her En. Gula-Gula Hati.

How do you feel when suddenly U read this written by your love ones?

Thank you everyone for all the wishes, hugs and kisses! Thank you for the phone calls , text messages , fb posts and gift! Thank you for making me special on my 18th birthday! & for my encik gula-gula hati , thanks for the really sweet gift and those moment we'd spend together last weekend! I feel the love rite now :)

Total frustration right?
especially when encik gula-gula hati is not you.
For whole this time I've waited for you my dear it just a waste of time.
If you cant wait, why don't you just tell me the truth?
Just tell me.
I waited for you sincerely, I even rejected few girls that kinda in love with me because I thought you're my only one. My Cute little 4 leaves Clover.

Sorry I cant win your game,
-Aiman